I see PRIDE, I see POWER, I see a *** who won’t take no CRAP off of NOBODY!

I've been a little MIA recently. I know. I figured the old adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" applied, and that you'd rather not hear days of continual complaining spewage. So I didn't share.

BUT I've done some soul searching, and much breathing, and I'm doing....better.

Have you ever felt as though your happy little life were falling to pieces right before your eyes?

Well, yeah.

I'll spare you the whiny details, but suffice it to say, I've been one lost puppy for the last several weeks.

I've learned (or relearned) a few things that I'd like to share.

1. You cannot control the feelings, thoughts or actions of anyone but yourself. So focus on what's in your control. Agency is a blessed gift--use it. Don't allow yourself to be acted upon, but rather act.

I realized the emotions of those surrounding me completely dictated my own emotions. At any given moment, if I felt I disappointed, offended or angered someone, I would become quite unpleasant to be around. And yet, within two seconds, if I discovered I hadn't originally disappointed, offended or angered, I could be happy again. That's when I knew my emotions weren't my own. I couldn't be happy unless people gave me permission to.

Most of the time, our perception of others is quite inaccurate. So what we think they think about us is also quite inaccurate, quite often. So, then, why do we allow our entire emotional states to be determined by this assumption? --an assumption, which is most likely wrong, about another's thoughts, which are beyond our control.

2. You are not merely a part of someone or something else. You are yourself. And that is great and wonderful. Allow things to be you--talents, hobbies, likes, dislikes, humor, experiences, dreams, beliefs. Don't change, again, based on an assumption of what you think another wants. And especially don't change who you are if someone's made it clear that's "not good enough" for them.

I went on a quest to find my personality, as though I had lost it. I felt as though I were some how all wrong--my interests and opinions, even what I found funny, were all wrong. I felt that I had somehow missed a boat at birth that would have allowed me an element of normality.

My mother has this joke, where whenever I do something odd (which happens a lot) she asks, "Does he know?" This came from a lighthearted discussion we had a while ago about boy, and whether he really knows how weird I am.

I do have a personality. Yes, it is weird. But that's okay. Everyone is different. I don't have to like or impress everyone, and they don't have to like me.

3. No one can define your worth. Rejection and acceptance from individuals or groups in the social sphere dictate much of our lives. Just think back to Jr. high school or high school. Makes me shutter. I know that I've been taught "You are a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you" and I have relied on this many times throughout my life as a support. However, sometimes rejection, either the fear of potential or the actual manifestation of, can become so powerful in spite of our efforts to remember our individual self worth. We must see the value of ourselves AND ignore the demeaning opinions of others.  This is most challenging.

My 16-year-old sister is at the time in her life where the opinions of others seems to be a life-sucking monster, continually craving and consuming the fragile self-esteems of all who dare cross its path. She's on her high school dance company. I was in her shoes not too long ago. Where those girls seem to have it all, and they make you feel like nothing. I watched her ache with the pain of feelings of worthlessness last week, and I ached with her. I laid in bed for hours the night she expressed her feelings of inadequacies to me, wondering "why?" I know I have very utopian ideals, but really, WHY?
I spent time with my sister helping her perfect each intricate move for the dance they performed last week. She's good. Her dancing is precise and graceful. But as the other girls filed into the room, confidence vanished from her eyes. She forgot entire sections of the dance, which moments before she'd had no troubles remembering. If only those girls knew that a simply gesture of inclusion could make the world of difference, if only they cared. Instead, the self-proclaimed alpha leader of the group (cheerleader, perfect teeth, perfect hair, can't say or do anything without checking herself out in the mirror) told her that she's really bringing the group down and needs to get her act together. WHY?? My sister knows she shouldn't base her worth on the opinions of these girls, but we are all human. And sadly, this is not something we grow out of.

My mom laughs every time she swipes her card at the store and the machine says "approved." She calls it her regular dose of self-esteem boosting.

One things that makes this point particularly challenge is that most people are just like us--waiting for others to accept them. My neighbor just spent several hours at our house explaining that she is planning on moving as soon as possible, after only living here for two years, because she has yet to feel excepted by others. She makes no effort to reach out, she doesn't attend any functions that would allow others to get to know her, and she allows her experiences with a few individuals to dictate her opinion of all around her. I feel awful she hasn't felt the love and acceptance our area has to offer, and I'm sure several people can care blame for that; however, we too must remember to reach out to others.



I guess those are my words of wisdom for the week. It's nothing you haven't heard before, but I needed to hear it again, so maybe you do too.