So, once again I'm supposed to be studying, but I'm not. I have so much to talk about that I don't even know where to begin. I'll start from now and move backwards and we'll see how far I get in the little time I have.
First of all, I went on a blind date last night. Anyone who knows me very well at all knows how much I absolutely abhor blind dates. Every blind date I've ever been on (minor disclaimer: I've technically only been on 5 blind dates) ends messy or simply ends absolutely (although my experience with Aaron C. ended messy 10+ dates later...nonetheless, it still wasn't the most pleasant experience). However, I must say, last night I was quite pleasantly surprised. I really enjoyed myself. Now, as another disclaimer, it wasn't the best date that I have ever been on, but I couldn't have expected any more for a first date. Congratulations Dan. No fireworks, but fabulous fun. Honestly, I don't really know why I typically have a hard time with first dates. Probably because I hate being restricted to insignificant small talk and you can't go very much beyond that in a first date, let alone a blind date. Dan R. did a very good job attempting to get to know me and keeping conversation going. Heaven knows how much I can babble when I am familiar with someone, but I always have a hard time with conversation initially. He almost had my defensive shell completely cracked before the night was through. I was a little taken back at how gentlemanly he behaved. Even though Mike M. and I have been on over 25 dates and I've been out with other guys in my ward, etc. since my Mike B. episode back in march, Mike B. was the last time I can remember being driven anywhere in particular with a guy. And he didn't open the door... Because it has been so long, and I haven't been in a position that allows the male race a chance to defend their unbecoming behavior, I couldn't help but smile when I realized that Dan R. had this absolutely necessary value. And he didn't lose it throughout the remainder of the evening, but instead proved himself again and again.
Throughout the week I have been praying that he would be strong enough to counter my conversation flaw and that I wouldn't judge him too quickly one way or the other. My prayers were answered.
Conclusion: Besides my inability to be myself entirely (which is unquestionably expected for me on first/blind dates...most of the time), I'd have to say that the only bad thing about the whole night is that I lost my watch (oh, and my lack of self-confidence didn't permit me to admit that although I love music, I can't name a singly song or band for the life of me. I have a theory as for why that is...but we'll save that for another day). I’d say I’d be good for a second date—definitely.
Work has been crazy recently. As for my actual tasks at work, I’ve been quite unaccomplished lately because of my inefficiencies. Lack of sleep, unnecessary drama, and too much stress has been messing with my abilities lately. I don’t think that I will ever work full time and go to school full time again. Summer term I’ll still be full time for both, but I don’t think that it will be too bad. I’m not planning on having the same social life that I have this term, and if I stay focused and get more sleep I should be able to survive until fall—just to start things all over again (which I’m a little worried about, by-the-way).
I started anchoring news this week and I’ve also begun work on a feature story, but I haven’t been as good at it as I’d hoped. I’m recording all of my “attempts,” so when I become famous and give lectures at Capital Theater (reference to the Terry Gross lecture I went to!) I can also play my beginning bloopers.
Mostly, my problems stem from co-workers currently. I thought that I had gotten away from co-worker problems by quitting my last job (even though I loved it!). Just thinking about my last job brings back all of those nauseating feelings all over again, and although my current job could never possibly get as bad as my previous experience, I don’t even want a mole hill. Just to give you a small recap, my co-worker/supervisor N.I. has something going on in her life that I think is causing rippling effects in the way she associates and behaves. She is 15 years older than me, but sometimes she doesn’t act like it. She’s gotten my other co-worker K.H. in such a tizzy about the church, K.H. has questioned her testimony altogether. I’m spent late nights and long workdays trying to reason with her, but ultimately the decision is hers. Don't get me wrong, we are really good friends, but I just think that the whole thing is simply silly. Why do things have to be so dramatic? While I am a girl, and I do understand some drama, I truly believe there is far too much unnecessary tragedy in life.
I went to the temple again this week. (Sadly I missed last week, but I realized after being highly tempted to pass up this week too, that I’m going to spite Satan and not miss again). The temple worker had multiple pierced ears and I was really confused about her ability to work at the temple in such a state. The temple is my escape from the world, but it was still there… the church is perfect, the members aren’t. Coincidentally, while reading this month’s first presidency message, I realized that although many people believe the words of the prophets to be flexible and interpretable, they simply aren’t. The word of God is what it is…
I am so glad for this term to be over this week! Once again, I don’t believe I will be successful at obtaining my desired 4.0, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t try again…and again. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to work and take classes at the same time, and sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to take classes and work at the same time, but all too often, I’m really glad I’m so blessed to be able to manage both.
I went to a pool party today. I really wasn’t planning on going. The only reason I mention it is because I’m now sun burnt. Eh. It was bound to happen.
Everyone has told me my desire to double major is crazy and impossible; that is, everyone except for my mom. I really think that I’d like to try for it. Aim for the heavens…at worst, you’re going to reach the stars. If I have to settle for an English minor, I will. But for now it’s going to be a major.
I don’t really know how my future is going to pan out. I can put my mission papers in a year from now, but I don’t know if a mission is in my cards. Although I become discouraged about guys frequently, I truly know that marriage is in my future. Now, how soon that card is played is an entirely different story. As always I question my future balance of career and family, but I know that everything will work out. I know that I’m being watched over. And I also know that there are great plans for me in both my career and family if I can faithfully follow God’s guiding hand.
Well, my studies call. The hard part is that I don’t actually have any particular assignments. Just extra credit stuff and massive amounts of finals prep. I’ll try and shpeal again soon.
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