The Answers that Nobody Sticks Around For:

"What's Up?" --a question so flippantly asked. Well, here's the answer that nobody sticks around long enough to hear:

Finals are done--thankfully. For a bit there, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through. But I did. And here I am. Actually, there is a small chance (once again) that I can get my first 4.0 here at BYU. A few of my classes are a real tossup (like always) as to whether they'll be "A"s or "A-"s. Keep your fingers crossed.
Some of my professors have really ticked me off this finals time though. I don't understand how they can spend an entire semester teaching (or not teaching) one thing, and then harshly grade a final that had to do with entirely different things!!
It's funny, at the beginning of this semester I looked over everything that I would have to do until I reached the point that I am at now; and I may have shed a tear or two at all that was expected of me during 'Fall semester 2008.' I told myself "if I can survive this, it'll be a real accomplishment." I don't like giving myself a pat on the back; but I must say "I'm a survivor." It's funny I guess, because in pure hindsight bias the semester wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. But then again, call me Dante because it was a real trip through Hell. I'm not sure why that's funny. I guess the semester was just so good and so bad at the same time that I'm not sure how to feel about it. Either way, it's in my past. And soon I will not only put this semester to bed, but the entire year of 2008.

I had a real burst of future hopes yesterday. I watched several dance movies and they always get me going. I have really big plans for next summer! I want to take hip-hop lessons and maybe ballroom, guitar lessons, write and read a ton, get my ASL interpreting certification, get a random job, maybe take classes, and stay at home with my family! It's gonna be a great summer.
But before I even get to next summer, I'm really looking forward to next semester too. I'm not really sure if I'm going to be able to handle everything I'm signed up for though. I actually had a dream about it last night. The whole night I struggled with decisions of what to participate in and what not to. A lot of my anxiety stems from my new job as Technical Director of the Daily News on Fridays. I just don't think that it fits in my schedule. And even more than that, when I pray about it I keep feeling like I need to decline the position. The answer seems so obvious on paper, but I just worry that withdrawing will give me a bad reputation in the news room, and I don't want to lose a skill that I think is fun either. But seriously, I'm signed up for 17 credits and two part-time jobs! Yeah, I know, I'm crazy. I'm so excited for all of my classes, and the first thing that I would drop would be directing. It's sad, but I think I'm just going to have to get the guts up to say something. As far as the classes that I hope to keep: Living Prophets, Intro to Guitar, Intro to Latin Ballroom Dance, Intro to Standard Ballroom Dance, Media History & Philosophy, Television News Production, British Literary History 1, and Creative Writing. I can't wait!

In looking to the future, I can't help but often wonder where my life will be in five years. I see a lot of my friends going off and getting married, starting their families. I'm also making a lot of new friends who got married before I even met them. Being at BYU, and reaching the ripe "old" age of twenty, the favorite topic of conversation among most people I know is :
"Who are you dating?"
"How's your dating life?"
"We're trying to get pregnant."
"You guys are going to get married, I know it."
"I'm sorry your social life sucks."
"I'm engaged!"
"I'm pregnant!"
"Have you guys kissed yet?"
"Being single is good...I guess."
I tried picturing myself with kids. I can see it--ten years from now! Last night, as I lay in bed, I realized that I had never even pictured myself in a wedding dress. I imagined a reception setting a few times, and it was kinda hard to put myself in the bride's shoes. Even harder was to find someone to stand in for the groom. I kind of have a 'crush,' or as I like to say "I'm minutely interested" in a guy in my ward right now. I really don't think that he is interested in the slightest, and my own interest is waning, but my mom says not to slam the door of my heart on him yet. She thinks that I should give him next semester; I'm giving him the first month--tops. Honestly, I don't want him (or anyone else for that matter) to "fall madly in love with me" and want to marry me next semester. I just want a really good friend for now. Maybe even merge into boyfriend. But for now, I'm so incredibly single (as usual) that it's not even funny. It's a good think I like being single some of the time, or else I might go crazy over it (like some people I know...).
Right now, I'm not even near the person that I'd like to be when I get married and start a family. Let's just say, I have a lot of goals for next year; a lot of areas for improvement.

Karma and I have had a really good experience visiting teaching this semester. One of our teachees has really opened up to us and really seems to depend on us a lot for emotional support. I really hope that we can be everything that she needs.

Oh! I found some new songs that I really like: Fred Jones, Part 2--Ben Folds, Fix You--Coldplay, and X & Y--Coldplay. Some of Avril Lavigne's songs have really hit the mark these past few weeks.
And, of course, my "Most Often Played" Playlist still holds most of my overplayed favorites.

Hmm...I think that's pretty much it for now. Thanks for asking.

How are you?

Finals Are Coming...

Now is the time that many students dread; an accumulation of all that was SUPPOSED to have been learned throughout the semester will be tested and graded.
The time for learning is passed. The time for reckoning is here.

But why do I feel like I am learning more than ever right now?

I am discovering myself. But I suppose the test of self is ongoing.