Want that Hurts

Have you ever wanted something so badly, the very thought of it causes your head to spin and stomach to churn. It shouldn't, the thought should be exciting and invigorating; but with each glimmering mental image of my self actually obtaining said want, the thought is quickly smothered by my fear of failure. "What if I can't?" Oh, I want this so, so, so, so much. I happened upon a job profile of some random woman today who's resume was basically my wish list. I admit, I envied. I coveted. I wanted from the bottom of my soul. I craved so deeply, the intensity of suction at the bottom of my stomach nearly turn my body inside out. Ahhhhhh! What do you do when you want something this much? What do you do when you risk falling flat on your face? What do you do when it will take several years to just get there, and then you still might fail? What do you do when you feel you'd have to risk everything, but if you succeed, it'd all be worth it? Yet, if you fail......... If all the hard work, the years of effort and tears, and your pride all get dashed to pieces, is it still worth it? Should I try in spite of the risk of failure?

I want it so much, even my toes are tingling with desire!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!