It's Nothing Personal

I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't put a whole lot of personal information about my life on here. I tend to gravitate to long divulging rants of my deep, inner thoughts--which, naturally, isn't personal. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the time no one read this blog, back to the time when I posted all of my secrets here--on the world wide web--because it was private. I would talk about roommates, boys, and coworkers without the slightest risk of their finding this site. But now things are different. Yet, something inside of me still wants to gossip with you--tell you everything. I want to giggle about boys (or rather, boy), vent without guilt, and dream without limits.

*Biting bottom lip* .....think I should just spill?

Well, if you're making me. :)

Okay, so, here's the update on my life:

I've been dating boy for about three or four months (we don't really know...).  Boy has liked and chased me for quite awhile longer than I cared to notice. I played the games, worried about what boys thought, and racked up the free dinners for years; but when boy came into my life, my focus was wholly elsewhere. I had decided to serve a mission for the LDS church, and I had already begun packing my bags for an adventurous summer in New York (possibly leaving to never again return). I was still quite okay with the pleasant company and free dinner boy offered (he was a million times better than some of the other crazies I'd been dealing with.), but ironically, my journal entry the day of our first date simply says, "Today I've truly decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My heart is burning, and I am ready to go. I know it is the right thing for me." ....Yeah, DAY OF our first date. Kinda funny.

Anyway, I went to New York (and loved it SO much! ...hoping to go back some day), and, as you saw before, boy came out to visit me. (That was only after two months of talking every day, including an 9 hour conversation on Skype.)

Wow. It sounds like I'm announcing my own engagement or something. I'm kind of freaking myself out. So, let me add here, that is NOT the end of this story... *phew* maybe I shouldn't talk about boy on here. I may get myself into trouble.

Before I drag more sappy details out, let me say, I was still in missionary (or potentially taking a job with Nat Geo TV in New York) mode, and didn't really feel anything for boy. He was sweet and all, but it's hard to make feels come that simply don't exist on their own.

So, boy tried harder and harder. And I came back to Utah. My papers are still unfinished. And I turned down two job offers for Nat Geo TV.

Now, I'm working as an American Sign Language interpreter, taking piano and voice lessons, fixing my little sisters' hair, and running carpool for my mother--all while living in the basement of my parents' house. Not really where you dream of being when you're 22, huh? But it works. Well, it more than works. I'm really quite happy with it all--most of the time.

(Oh! I'm also helping my mom with her business, starting a business of my own, and writing a novel. And I get to come home to hot meals from my mom every night!)

Yet, my never-ending itch to go and do still sits at the base of my neck, and I don't know if I will be here much longer. I haven't the slightest clue what my future holds at this point (that was entirely unacceptable a month ago), but I'm learning to embrace the adventure.

I look at women in their 30s and then 40s and think, "One day I'll be you." Then I shutter and try to think of something else. Growing up is really scary. Children think you know a whole lot and that everything works out by the time you're as "old" as I am (goodness, my little sister told me I should be married by now, and asked me what was wrong with me!!!). But sometimes I'm not old, sometimes I'm still young. And sometimes I'm content not making grownup decisions.

So, bring on the adventure! And let me live every day to the fullest! That way, by the time I reach my 30s and 40s, I can feel satisfied and pleased with my life.

Maybe I really shouldn't write ultra-personal posts. I'll only get myself into trouble. My only point was to inform you that I'm happily dating and happily working. Life is {mostly} good.