Hum...

Life is so interesting.

I’ve learned some things about it recently.

Whenever God closes a door, he really does open a window. And when Satan closes a door, God opens another door and sends the rescue service in to get you. Not very many people know this, but I found myself in a bad situation this past week. A married male colleague of mine made suggestive comments to me and crossed a line causing me to feel as though I was in danger. I have never felt so sick to my stomach before. However, so many things fell perfectly into place for me.

Another interesting thing that I’ve learned about life is that it will keep going without you. If I decide to waste away in bed, it does not stop. If I decide to have a bad day, it does not stop. If I decide not to take advantage of everything around me, it does not stop. I have decided to live life to the fullest, and it is just that a decision.

I am so grateful for the air that I have to breathe, and that I am still alive to breathe it.

The random thoughts I have

Okay, I know that I haven’t been on for awhile. This is partly because I have been extremely busy, and partly because in spite of all of my business nothing exciting has happened.

I have a few issues on my mind that I would like to vent at this time. First of all, why is it that why you like a guy and believe that you are sending out all of the right signals he just doesn’t get it, at all; but if you don’t like a guy, to just be nice to him means “come get me I’m yours.”

Secondly, I am so tired. Tired from lack of physical rest and tired from lack of mental rest. I have learned some very important concepts in the past few days about my life and the direction it should be taking. Those who know me also know that I am somewhat of a perfectionist and extremely anal about the phrase “doing my best.” I did some research on the topic of perfection, and directed my search primarily towards God’s definition of perfection. I discovered how I far off the mark I have been for so very long. My efforts towards perfection (according to my definition) stem from my deeply rooted desire to impress those around me, primarily my Heavenly Father, parents, family, and associates, not limited to, but specifically including those I do and those I would like to date. Now, after having said all of this, I realized that my “success” does not determine who I am and should not determine how others view me. It is not the result or out come that I should be judged by, as this is the role of Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. More accurately, others should view me through my efforts, not the result but instead the process. I am tired because I am running so very fast in directions that are good, but not always necessary. I have decided to slow down—to rest. And as my dear roommate would say, “have some fun Anna! Lighten up. Live a little.” I think that I just might.

Am I weird? Sometimes I just wonder…

Last week I had a run-in with life, and those I live with. I wound up with a little time one my hands alone in the dark to think. For many years I have felt somewhat out of place in life. I use to say that I was always looking for my “niche.” This week I realized that I have a niche. I am who I am; I don’t need to change that to fit into someone’s niche. And that it is not someone’s niche that I am looking to fit in, but instead someone I am looking to fit into mine. It occurred to me that someone is out there just for me. And that they will love me, eternally, for exactly who I am. I won’t need to feel embarrassed about any aspect of myself, but will be accompanied in both the late night philosophical conversations and the even later night hyperactivity. Someday I’ll find my best friend-today is just not that day.

Hum…I think that is all on my mind for now. Actually, with the head cold that I now have, there’s not much room for anything at all in my throbbing head.

Another day…Another thought…Another feeling.

More pictures...

Josh is Home!!!

Look at that Elder Guapo...

"So ya had a bad day"

I really don't like people who are rich, snobby, know-it-alls, jerky, holier-than-thou, rude, arrogant, stupid, lucky, prideful, babied, good at everything, dressed in the latest fad, top-of-the-class, beauty queens, lazy, messy, don't have a sense of style or music, uneducated (by personal choice), stereotypical, simply bad, oblivious, play video games excessively (according to my measurement), drive unlawfully, don't see, don't care, don't feel, just don't know.

Today has been one of those days. After arriving to school before the rest of the student body woke up, I studied for my day's classes and a major test that I had to take this afternoon. At 8:00 I rushed off to my first class just to find out that a 2 hour lab session was canceled...again (yeah, and has been 3 out of the 4 weeks we've been in school...talk about slightly ticked) (oh, and side note, my TA borrowed my book/CD for the class 2 weeks ago, then lent them to someone else. "Oh, I forgot."...again, are we slightly ticked???). So, I could have gotten more sleep. Instead I utilized my time and studied for my test some more. Actually, I taught all of the material to another student that had only attended lecture twice. I suppose I didn't mind sharing the fruits of my hours of hard work making flashcards. After all, because I was teaching him, it was a good review for me.

I did get a nice break from my day during my wonderful religion class. Thank goodness...Too bad it only lasted 50 min.

Then, naturally, I studied for another hour. And after I couldn't study any longer, I took the test. After my hours of work, no wonder I felt really good about the test while taking it. Yea for studying so much--I GOT 65%!!! I was appalled. Oh, but that isn't the worst of it. Someone who isn't familiar with the subject and didn't study at all mind you, got a better score than I did.

After which, I went to work so that I could support my way through school and life. Again, unlike many around me who's parents pay for their fancy new cars. No, I don't have a car; I paid for the $70 bus pass on my own and stand in the cold waiting for it every morning after walking there to get to school early BECAUSE IT BUILDS CHARACTER! I'm not bitter though.

Sorry, side tracked again. After work I went to my last class and took a quiz. I stayed after class to prepare for my presentation I'm giving on Thursday. My group finished just in time for me to miss the last bus, so I did not drive a brand-new car but walked the 25 min. walk home in the dark carrying all of my books. When I got home I tried calling someone just to let out frustrations, and to my surprise a deep scratch is now running right down the front of my phone. It's a good thing that one of my roommates had dinner waiting on the table: spaghetti, one of my least favorite foods.

Well, I got a calling tonight. Not only did Heavenly Father point out the North Star to me (I was praying while I walked, and when I looked up I was walking directly North and saw the star), but he gave me a hug (completely out of the norm, the 2nd counselor in the Bishopric gave me a hug when I showed up for my interview).

My cold is now coming back, so I guess I'd better turn in.

Night!

When life hits, say "ouch."

If God gives you lemons, try not to squirt them in your eye.

When life gets you down ...

look up.

Thank you Heavenly Father.

...but try not to trip while looking up!

Football!

I just went to my first ever college football game! Naturally, BYU kicked Air force Academy’s trash, and it was great. I don’t think that I have yet completely grasped the clockworks of the game, but after the whole works (hot dog, rain, cheering, etc.) I do believe that I have the basic feel for it.

It has and will take work, but I just might be able to release my through and through opposition to football. I still can’t believe that I spend $90 on tickets for this year, but, to be honest, football fans aren’t all as dumb as I supposed them to be (sadly there is a good many though!). I just might eat my own words and become somewhat of a sports fan…but just a little.

This is No Place For a Child

A child has no place in a world of hate. Her fragile body is not meant to cope with the sting of its pain and will wither away. A girl with no name lies crumpled in a dark corner. She is stripped of the warmth of love, and shivers at the remnant of all that now surrounds her. She grasps her knees tightly and sways back and forth. She feels lost and lonely but fights back the tears of utter despair with a blanket of rage. Her efforts have gone to naught. A heavy drop falls from the corner of her eye and caresses her scarlet cheek. Her emotions are too strong to suppress, and a flickering light reveals the glistening of streaming tears. Such a young girl contemplates the value of her own life as she continues to sway back and forth with the rhythm of the ticking clock. Tightening the grip on her legs, her back curves over and reveals the bones of the hungry. Her shadow tells the tale of a haggard old woman, yet her life only measures that of eight years. Her withered body is not graced with words of wisdom and wrinkled skin, but words of hate that scar the child and welts of pain that cause her wrinkles. She is hiding in a dark corner, but mentally continues to run; never feeling safe from the monster that haunts her soul. This is no life for a child; nonetheless, she and many like her are forced to continue living it. She is relentlessly chased, and believes that rest only comes when one lies in the grave. She did not ask for a life like this, no one does. She too was born into the comfort of a gentle mother’s arms; yet learned all too quickly life can change. As she rubs her decrepit fingers down her shivering shoulder, her soul cries out for all that is good. A life of hate can be as cold and hard as ice. This is no life for a child.

Life's Just Too Short...

May I never take life too seriously.

May I never take a single breath for granted.