A Prayer for Peace

Dear God,
"Friday February 13, 2009, just after 9:00a.m., a tragic accident occurred.” I have had a lot of mixed emotions about the deaths of Shilo and Micah Edwards. Everyone experienced such an overwhelming shock to discover that at nineteen and twenty years old they were taken from this life. I’m not sure I will ever fully accept their deaths; but they happened nonetheless, and many people want to know why. I know, what a classic question—why?
I’ve grown up with these girls, and they are the first young people to die that I have known so well. I can remember being nine-years-old and sitting on a church pew with Shilo only a few rows in front of me. She was all dress up in her baptism dress—so pretty in white. I remember that we didn’t like each other very much at that age, but we were young and grew out of the pettiness. When were just a little older, we would sit on the cold tile floor together and played with her dogs’ puppies. Micah was a little older than I was, but I still remember her. Mostly, I just remember them being there—image after image of their faces flash through my mind, them, in my life, there, and then not.
Heavenly Father, you were there when all of these things happened, and you knew all along their time was shorter than the rest of ours. You have the vision of the entire eternal plan, and you know why things happen the way they do. But the rest of us have been left to question: Why? Was this really necessary? Could there have been any other way?
For some reason you have given me a very cushioned life. I am constantly blessed. Sometimes this causes me to believe my larger trials will be just around the corner, but most of the time such comforts lull me into a passive expectation for ease. My testimony has never really been challenged, and although my life is full of stresses and difficulties, they pale in comparison to situations like this. Because of such a past, I felt very lost in my own religion when trying to understand death. I’ve come to the conclusion that most testimonies are just a compilation of words, and not a manifestation of beliefs. Too many members give lip service to thy word. I still know my faith to be of the true and living gospel on this Earth, but I have so many open ended questions.
My brother Josh has now been home from his mission for a year, and he has all of the missionary answers when it comes to things like this. But the classic image of The Plan of Salvation, the recognizable pattern of circles and lines just didn’t do it for me this time. No one could tell me whether Micah and Shilo felt lonely after dying. And I had never thought about trying to give a hug without a body, but now the need for Shilo and Micah to be able to hug each other was so great for my heart, I became angry that bodies were required to hug--is that silly? And the idea that the dead began to serve missions and teach the gospel was fine and dandy when it was my grandfather who died—someone who would have wanted to drop everything and serve a mission—but that didn’t work for them. They had too much life left to live. What are they going to do every day now? And how does time work in the afterlife? And will they get to stay together? And what happens to Drew? Shilo and Drew were going to be engaged Friday night, now what? If this life is so insignificantly short in comparison to the next, why will he have to move on and find someone else when he so badly wants to be sealed for eternity with his true love? They were perfect for each other! And now he just has to “move on.”
I don’t have the answers, but I’m glad that you do. Thank you for letting their sister, Shelby, see them in her dream. Thank you for comforting their family, especially their mother. Thank you for helping Dale to understand that losing his girls is a blessing as much as a trial. He told me Micah struggled greatly. But for the first time in a long time she was at peace with where she was at--in a sense, she was ready to die. And to die with a clean soul now, even though she is young, may have been the only way that they could be together forever as an eternal family. But that doesn’t entirely help me reconcile Shilo and Drew.
God, please don’t take anyone in my family. Please.