Motherly Advice

----- Original Message -----

Subject: doah...I'm so dumb
Okay, after talking for about an hour with Emily, I now thoroughly feel like an idiot and know that I am wrong. I will be the first to admit that I am a complicated, illogical, scaredy-cat, nitwit. I'm sorry if I've caused you grief when I know that you are just trying to help. Now, as for my attempt at forming a solution to my self imposed problem. I think that I need to try and be less of a tight-wad. I am going to practice just going with the flow because I really don't need to decide right now if I am going to kiss, date, or marry anyone; I can make those decisions when they individually arise. I love you so much, and even if I act dumb your advice is always appreciated. Anna


Re: doah...I'm so dumb‏

What did you talk to Emily for an hour about?

And I don't ever think you are dumb! Now I might agree with the complicated part, but even then you really aren't that complicated. You just want to make good choices, right choices. And now is the time in your life when quite a few of those choices make lasting ripples in your life. But above everything else, trust your instincts, pray, and find joy in your life. I think relaxing is a good thing. You can relax without being a slacker, temptrest, or idiot. Take deep breaths, notice the sunset, relish a bite of good food, and find comfort in the relationships around you. Of course do your homework.

I think you miss understand my excitement about your liking someone, or someone liking you. I don’t want you to decide to get married. That will happen all too soon, thank you. But I think that liking someone, or someone liking you, is an important step to understanding your inner self, your likes and dislikes, and helps you "relax" in what comes when dating......aka holding hands, giggling, and yes occassionally a kis s. When you feel comfortable enough with yourself to feel comfortable with exploring a relationship with someone, then you will be in a position to decide about a long term arrangement. You are not ready for that decision yet. What if you decide you like someone and they don’t like you. It hurts a little, but in the long run you will honestly be better off for the hurt. What if someone likes you and you decide after some dates, and even a kis s (not casually given, but given in the atmosphere of a potential serious relationship), that you don't like him. It will hurt a little. but again you are both better off. You thought a relationship had potential, but found that it was wrong. You learn and grow and become more the woman that will fall in love and marry. Were you wrong to have had the relationship and then have it fail? No. It's following the spirit. It's meeting good people, but not the right person. Can you keep your standards? Yes, but that doesn’t mean you might not get close to someone.You won’t always be the girl that you were. It is a natural process that sometimes is fun, sometimes hurts. Why I feel comfortable with Seth and not Dan....let me explain. That even though I am not wanting you to be engaged, I do believe the saying that you marry who you date. So, at least as you do date, and have the potential of meeting "the one", choose your dates from those that have good goals and standards, habits, attitudes, etc. Have friends, date as friends, be open minded. And of course follow the spirit.

I always worried about Jessica's attitude about not kissing anyone until she kissed her husband to be. It made me feel like the rest of us where less of a person than she because we kissed others. I think that is an extreme ideal that isn’t support by doctrine. Not a bad ideal just extreme. If you like someone.....Like them, and see where it goes. Maybe that sounds too simple. I don’t want you to get married, Anna. Ok, I do, but not next month. But I want you to be happy. I enjoyed dating. Having a boyfriend is a little like getting married. You know you are starting to like someone when you hope they ask you out and you don't really want to be bothered with someone else asking you. The relationship can be a source of comfort as much as it can be a complication. It is nice to be thought about and cared for. It is nice to think about someone and care for them. Sometimes, I got dumped and hurt. Or I had have one date and never saw the guy again. I had too many learning experiences and not sure that I made good choices all the time. But I was ultimately lead to your father. And I believe that we were supposed to be married. I have had some confirming experiences about that not just when we were engaged, but years later, even when I have questioned my decision.

You are kind of in an interesting position in your life. Part of you would love to get married, set up your own house and start a family. You are more than capable of this. You can cook pretty good, better than I did at your age. You are great with kids. You are responsible and compitent. You can be very mature with your outlook on life. Your are incredible. But you are still pretty young. You have so much life ahead of you. SO, you need to be patient with yourself and gentle on yourself. Aim for a career, but plan for a family. Does this sound incongruent? Well, no. Anything you do will make you a better wife and mother. And we don’t always know what doors the Lord has in store of opening for us. You are such a good person. Find a private place and have a good cry, sometimes it helps. Listen to some good music (I don’t just mean tab, choir... maybe blue oct....) Of course get plenty of sleep. Watch your health, it effects your outlook. And know that I always love you. Hope this hasn't been too preachy, and I hope I haven't been too confusing. I love you. See you tomorrow maybe. Call anytime. Quite often I sleep with the phone on the nightstand in case you call and need something. I always hope to be there for you.
Love,
Mom

bet you didn’t think to get such an epic in return.....