Stream of consciousness

For as hard as it is to grow up, it sure feels good afterwards. I can only relate this phenomenon to exercise. Point made. I feel as though I am really discovering myself through the process though; clearly I’m not there yet, but I’m learning so much. My most recently learned lessons are that I am an incredible twit sometimes (in the bad way), that I have a soul mate searching for me, and that I have a lot of growing up left to do in my life. I’ve discovered that life can bring me incredible joy beyond the possible pain. For as much as I love being a student whose life is saturated in the university environment, I think that I really will be ready to move on and have a real life after graduation. I love all that life can offer. I especially love the arts: movies, museums, music, theater, dance, literature, photography, life. They are all magical and bring joy to my everyday mundane.

Now, about the everyday mundane:
I’ve moved into a new apartment. As you can see, I’ve written more since I’ve moved in and that’s not because my new roommates are bringing me uncontrollable joy to write about. They are very cordial, nice. They are quiet and reserved. That is virtually all that I know about them and I’ve lived here for two weeks. Granted, that’s not very long, but long enough.

Recently I’ve felt as though there is something inside of me that is struggling to come out, but just doesn’t know how. I wish that I could identify this source of internal pressure. Or at least discover the outlet by way its release might come about. I feel as though my head is not yet smart enough to say what my soul already knows. Listening to music, daydreaming, and surrounding myself with the art and inspiration that I love only encourages the swelling, but not the release.

For as much as I love life, I’ve also had some very conflicting thoughts about it as well. “What’s the point?” I’ve often wondered. I am very religious and understand that perspective, but my brain can’t really wrap itself around the entire concept of what the purpose of stress, time, and the details of the day really mean in the entire scheme of things.

Random stream, I know. Yet, mind you, this is merely a minute snippet of how my mind operates on a minute to minute basis.

And the day goes on…