Uh...marriage???

Okay, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, my life is great. I have a very nice life with a wonderful family, job, education, and decent social life. Sometimes I can feel like I’m on top of the world…and others…
Today I toured KUER. I had a fabulous experience and became really excited about my future, primarily my future career. It has become very clear to me during the past week that journalism will definitely be a part of my future life. However, my emotions take a definite turn when I talk about the aspects of my future. I have really struggled with my homework this evening and decided to take a break after three hours and check out a few friends on facebook. To my surprise, someone that I had been highly interested in last semester has a girlfriend. Honestly, I was more surprised with my reaction than with this fact alone. My heart leaped and my stomach churned. Why is that? I was sure that I was completely over him. And worse than that, he was never really in to me and probably hasn’t thought twice about me since he walked away. But something in me was frustrated, even angry, and rather hurt. Again, why is that? I have not only dated other people since my idiotic infatuation with this individual, I have also been interested in someone else and have also had a relationship of my own. To be entirely truthful with myself, I think that the reason I was hurt and the reason I am not satisfied with my current relationship(s), regardless of their level, is because I really am searching for my match. And last night, I realized how much I really want to find him. That may sound incredibly sappy/cheesy, however, I really don’t care what others think at this point, because I know that marriage will make me happy. I want to fall in love. Divorce, fighting, and future trials scare me to some degree, but I think that my love for my future husband and his love for me will run so deep that these things will not be an issue for us. I love him. I pray for him. And I will find him soon.
Roommates are an interesting association. I have had a variety of roommates over my span of time away from home. My very first roommate was weird; this term is not mean in a critical, derogitory, or rude fassion, she simply was just that—weird. My second roommate was entirely infatuated with a boy and while she was nice, I had little association with her. However, “little” is more than I can say I had with my next roommate, whom I saw a total of five times throughout the summer term even though we shared a room together. And then, my roommates Becky, Karma, and Emily came along. I grew to love each one of them very much. I can’t say that they weren’t hard to live with, or that we were problem free, but I did love them. Our relationships are that of superb friends. Yet even this does not satisfy my crave for companionship. My current roommates are again nice and even so much as pleasant, however my assocation with them is limited, as is the extent of our relationship. To be quite frank, I am done with roommates, even the ones that I say I love. As I disclaimer, I want to clarify that just because I don’t want to be roommates with them anymore doesn’t mean that I don’t love them, and if I had to be roommates with anyone it would be them. However, I want an eternal bedmate, that’s all. I use to think that marriage was the end of my social life, or that I had more life to live before I got married, but I realized that my life will truly begin when I can stop searching for him and start living with him. I want someone to be there and listen to all of my daily shpeals with patience and love. I want to care and love someone.
Okay, I’ve offically scared myself with this little speech. I sound like the girls I roll my eyes at…who come to BYU simply for marriage. I guess I just worry whether or not I will ever fall in love, that's all...