Love Happens

I just saw this movie at the dollar theater:



I liked it. Even shed a few tears. :) Recommended.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately; and I have a variety thoughts to express on the subject, but I just don't think I'll get to them all tonight. Maybe eventually--in time.

I don't even know where to begin. Well, maybe for once I can just write as I used to on this blog--senseless ramblings, unfiltered jabber.

I spoke with a male friend tonight on the phone for nearly two hours. We're just friends, well, good acquaintances. And he asked me a lot of questions about my relationship with Travis. I've told that story so many times--some recounts include "these" details, others "those," and some none at all. But rarely do the words I say truly tell the story. No body really wants to hear that story.

Honestly, I don't mind talking with people about my dating life, both past and present. I don't mind, but I rarely get through such conversations without a churning stomach and nasty after-flavor. There is no need for apologies by those who bring up the topic, sometimes I really do need the talk. The problem is, I want someONE to tell my stories to. Male or Female, really, either will do. I just need a real friend, a best friend. You know, the "bosom buddy" type. I enjoy my friends and acquaintances, but I'm tired of pretending.

Do I pretend all the time? No, I don't think so. But I know I pretend often enough I confuse even myself about who I really am inside. I had a four-hour conversation a few weeks ago with the same young man mentioned above. During this conversation I let myself out a little. It's not like I divulged some deep dark secret, I only became really excited about Plato, Oedipus, and Freud. I really enjoyed myself throughout the conversation, but after a few days of thinking, I kicked myself for it. I felt so ridiculously nerdy for explaining the entire back-story of Oedipus Rex, and I felt like an overall dork for babbling so long to someone who is practically a stranger to me. He plays football and runs for Student Body President--so, he probably has an entourage of attractive women. I wonder what type of man would be interested in me.

I love love. There is something magical about it. But at this point in my life, it's easier to look the other way. I wouldn't say I'm bitter. And I've even quenched the loneliness I felt before by filling my life with many wonderful things. Yet, in spite of my rebellious attitude--planning the next ten years of my life as though I were single--there is a small grain of something inside me that says this it is so very wrong of me to picture myself alone.

Do you believe in true love? How about "meant to be" or "the one"?

Why is love seen as a cliche in today's world?

* * *

I just received a card from Gma S. in the mail. We've have this exchange going on for the past little while where I call her and then she "responds" by writing and mailing me a letter/card. It's very sweet. I love hand-written snail-mail. One day, since we're on the topic of love, I want someone to snail-mail me love letters one day.

This is written on the front of the card:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

In her note, my Gma writes about a grandmother's love. She says that, like God's love, we have an boundless capacity to love. So what is love? Does this scripture depict Godly love? Is this what we should mean every time we say "I love you"?

Love to me:

-Inside Jokes
-Peace
-Hugs that consume my whole body and fill me with giddiness
-Forgiveness
-A confidant
-Sharing
-Imperfections
-Road trips
-Family
-Good food
-Understanding
-Selflessness
-Putting you before me
-Respect
-Caressing
-A pedestal
-Late nights filled with "I love you"s
-Unconditional
-Safe
-Letting go of expectations
-Never giving up
-Honor
-Deep conversations
-Tenderness
-Thought
-Romance
-Frozen chocolate
-Kindness
-Best friend
-Complementing and complimenting
-Passion
-Star gazing
-Honesty
-Meaning what you say
-Saying nice things
-Babies
-Patience
-Humility
-Dancing
-Working things out
-Giggling
-Kisses
-Communication
-Secrets with, not from
-Lazy Saturday mornings in bed
-Agreeing to disagree
-Eternity
-Red roses
-God
-Bryan Adams
-Gentlemen