Dear Blog,

I am yet again "finding myself," and I love it! Just as relationships develop over time, I believe we must develop an understanding of ourselves--a relationship with ourselves, so to speak. We constantly change, and constantly need to reacquaint ourselves with who we are as individuals. I have learned more about myself through God this year than ever before, and I know I should be able to say that every year for the rest of my life. I am strong. I am competent. I have a burning testimony of my Savior and his gospel. I love talking. I'm often very prideful, but I wish so very much that I weren't. I love cooking. I love making others happy. I always strive to please those around me. I need attention. I think very little of myself most of the time, while simultaneously putting myself above others. I often worry about my future. I can't really picture myself finding love again. I love music. I love writing. I love the temple. I talk back when I shouldn't. I hold myself to an extraordinarily high standard. I feel pressured to achieve perfection. I make my bed every day. I love food. Dancing makings me very happy. Sign language tickles my insides and always makes me smile. I want to serve the Lord. I want to find an eternal best friend. I want to fix my daughters' hair (when I have them of course). I hate social games/manipulation/pettiness. I highly dislike television reporting while working three jobs and taking classes (even if this gets me into trouble with my professor...ugh!). I love my family so much. I want to have ducks again. I can't wait to go to Africa! I wish I had a car. I can't always decipher between right and wrong. I judge people harshly. I wish I could change a lot about myself. I have a definite liking for physicality with boys; but in spite of this attraction/desire I can't even allow myself to continually date an individual who doesn't meet standards (unlike roommates who think dating is for physicality). I can give my heart and soul in eternal commitment to my future husband. I wish I were a better writer. I'm grateful for my current roommates. I need to read the scriptures daily (as in: I need to do better at this). I allow Satan to work on me. Laughing causes me great joy. I hate working with arrogant people. Sometimes I think inappropriate things are very funny. I get confused with my own feelings. Crisp autumn air is one of my favorite things. I hate ice skating. Nuts make me gag. I hate being smothered by boys. I allow boys to validate me. I feel as though I have no real friends apart from those with which I am related. I wish I were funny. Often, I feel as though I fake being smart. Cleaning helps me feel good about myself. I'm always tired and hungry. I'm like an onion.